Monday, January 26, 2009

the 12 days of wedding

We're actually on day number 11. Perhaps I will recompose this song from hell- but today, day 11, is certainly "11 dollars in my bank account. Lucky for me payday is Friday. You know, I don't have cold feet really. But as Alfredo just informed that he owed $537 in state taxes, I am wondering from which angle Satan will "mis-aim" or maybe just throw me a bone instead of a bill, or a psychotic ex-wife. Because I cannot handle much more. I have no money. He has no money. And I don't know how we are going to pay for anything anymore. I am, literally, spent. And I know that the past few weeks I have looked like crap, and people have said "You look like you have something on your mind." IT'S BECAUSE I DO. I am constantly thinking about his kids, his ex-wife, our debt, when can I move into his place, I need to get rid of my stuff, my car needs so much work done, will we have the kids for the wedding, and there's even more. As I said before, I do not have cold feet. It's quite amazing, and a little bit gushy, that though I feel like we are both being drug through hell itself right now, I would do it again (and probably will have to) for him. And I know he would do it for me. This whole "marriage" thing becomes more real to me every day. There are days when we are giddy and flirty and foolishly giggly because "we're getting married!!" And then there are days when we cry because things just keep happening. And I realize that our problems will not magically go away on February 6. They won't even pause. But I just want that day to get here so I can at least settle into our home, and to just be with my husband. It's strange. I thought it would never actually happen. And it's happening. In 11 days.

5 comments:

Nulphs said...

Wow! isn't life fun!? it will all work out, and we are so excited for you!! It will be great! hang in there!

Elise said...

Good luck with everything! Let me know if you need any help.

Toni said...

Grown up stuff sucks. Love you --and I'll see you in like 9 days! Yay!!

kellyfamily4 said...

We were living on ramen and love for a while, but you'll look back and realize how close it brought you. I'm so excited for you though, i didn't even know you were engaged!!

Kelly said...

Aaah! So excited for you Sarah!!! :D Everything will work out, and it'll be so much easier to handle all the trials with a loyal companion on your side. But that sucks that it's kinda stressful right now, hope it eases up on you!