67 year old boyfriend--it's SO over

Ok, so in the words of Ross Gellar, "when was it under?" Never. But here's the story anyway.

1. Last Thursday, at 8:00 in the morning, the kitchen phone rang at work. Paul was fixing a machine, and no one else answers the phone ever, so I went in the office and picked up the receiver. "Legacy House Kitchen, this is Sarah. How can I help you?" A familiar voice answered "Sarah, this is Rich, I am calling about my mother. . . " blah blah blah. I didn't really get what he was saying. Something about cupcakes and his mother's birthday. I, in a much lower voice, said "I'll make sure she gets them." He thanked me and hung up. I swore a couple times, regained strength in my legs, and told Paul that I might die today. I don't think Rich put two and two together, which leads me to a conclude one of three things:

A. He is an arse. How can he not know my voice?! Dickwad only asked me to be his WIFE. He knows I work at the kitchen of his mother's place. He is a womanizing jerk who sweet-talks young innocent women into absolute craziness. . . he did not get what he wanted from me, therefore he ignores that I exist.

B. He is schizophrenic. He forgets that I exist because he should be in a mental hospital. He has never been realistic about anything---because he does not live in reality. What recording contract? People don't propose to people they've never met. Girls like RINGS not PHONE CALLS. AND, what 25 year old wants to marry a 67 year old!! Ok, I'm sure there are some, but most of them live in California. REALITY PLEASE.

C. He is a serial killer. He is a womanizing jerk who sweet-talks young innocent women into absolute craziness. . . he has a list of women that he calls, writes, promises recording contracts, and proposes marriage to. When he doesn't get what he wants, he moves onto the next prey. . . Paul has a theory about this. A year ago, one of Norma's sons called and requested that she be removed from the diabetic diet. Paul asked the charge nurse about it, and said that basically a small amount of sugar would kill her. He's trying to off his mother!! Sooooo, maybe he DID know it was me on the phone, but he just didn't say anything because he is going to kill me. If I disappear one day, call my boss. He will know where to investigate first.

In conclusion, I believe that this man is a combination of all three: a psycho ass serial killer.
For the record, we delivered Norma's cupcakes, and a sugar free piece of cake, so she could enjoy her 93rd birthday in her moo moo, watching soap operas, and not being killed by her horrible son. We even sang. I saw a huge bouquet of yellow roses sitting on her table with card in front saying "I love you Mother.--Rich" Yellow roses are signs of peace, you bastard.

My next blog- "My first clinical: Peed on and pissed off." Now, I get 5 cavities filled.

My 67-year-old Boyfriend

. . . is possibly coming tomorrow. Ok, so without explaining the entire story in this blog (partly because it makes me ill, partly because it is very embarrassing) I have a skeleton in my closet. The long and short of it, had a summer letter-writing fling with an older man. When I think older, I think like 30-40,ok 50 at the MOST. (We all know I've been holding out for an older man) No no no, he was 67. I kindly explained to him, having learned his age, that he was a dear FRIEND to me, and I enjoy our FRIENDship, hope we can still be FRIENDS. . . then he asked me to marry him over the phone on Christmas Eve.

ANYWAY---I have reason to think in the past few months that he very well may be schizophrenic. . . bipolar. . . whatever you want to call it. My 67 year old boyfriend is psycho. The last letter I received from him was in Februaryish, and it scared the socks off of me. So I have not written/called him since-and he's coming to my work tomorrow for his mother's birthday. Yes, his mother lives at my work. Don't ask questions. I don't want to talk about it. SOOO-I told my boss today that if this man shows up, I am leaving. And he understood. Because I'm 25, and I don't want a 67 year old boyfriend.

Small Accomplishments

Well, how excited am I to log onto my blog and find comments from friends. Yes, I can work my blog. So today, it will rain. I can smell it. And I love it. I'm praying for thunder. I was thinking we skipped spring and jumped right into summer, but maybe Cache Valley will get a storm before the hot summer nights are here to stay.

I am in the library and there are two children out in the hallway, barking. I wish they would stop. . . . this past weekend was just wonderful. It was full of some of my favorite people. (Honestly, where is their mother?) Somedays, I just really wish we could go backwards. We're not supposed to want that. Walt Disney makes movies about that. "Just keep swimming" and "keep moving forward" and "move along" (so that wasn't disney, that was AAR) remind us to reach for the stars, to live the impossible dream, and all that other crap. . . Oh all those things are good. And I know it's important to keep growing. But how comfy it is to sit across the table from people you know and love, whom you feel safe with and loved by! We all reach a point in life when we need change and welcome new things. I feel that now. I have so many opportunities coming up. I can move to SLC, I will get a new J-O-B, and meet all kinds of new people (including my 2 men/week). Clearly these are good things. And in preparing for all these things to happen, I really just want to crawl in my bed at Brooklane, knowing that my roommates are outside drinking fruity drinks or writing papers, or having dance parties- and wake up the next morning at 6 for work, where I know I can do the job, and the people I work with like me. I want to go back to the place where it was o.k. to be single, and even though ron was a nun - I still truly believed it wouldn't be long before I would meet my "true love". I want to go back to 22, and Final Warning, to cheap gas and drives to Idaho. I want to go back to before I knew Kyle. Strange that my weekend in Salt Lake, as fun as it was, really just made me homesick for 'before'. But, everything happens for a reason. And what was "before" is a huge part of me "now". I'm grateful for my life and the people in it. I'm grateful for the good stories I have and for good people to share them with. So for all those from "before"---here's to new babies, new jobs, traveling, nursing licenses, finishing school, new hot haircuts, etc. . . thanks for hanging around. Love you.