Friday, May 30, 2008

67 year old boyfriend--it's SO over

Ok, so in the words of Ross Gellar, "when was it under?" Never. But here's the story anyway.

1. Last Thursday, at 8:00 in the morning, the kitchen phone rang at work. Paul was fixing a machine, and no one else answers the phone ever, so I went in the office and picked up the receiver. "Legacy House Kitchen, this is Sarah. How can I help you?" A familiar voice answered "Sarah, this is Rich, I am calling about my mother. . . " blah blah blah. I didn't really get what he was saying. Something about cupcakes and his mother's birthday. I, in a much lower voice, said "I'll make sure she gets them." He thanked me and hung up. I swore a couple times, regained strength in my legs, and told Paul that I might die today. I don't think Rich put two and two together, which leads me to a conclude one of three things:

A. He is an arse. How can he not know my voice?! Dickwad only asked me to be his WIFE. He knows I work at the kitchen of his mother's place. He is a womanizing jerk who sweet-talks young innocent women into absolute craziness. . . he did not get what he wanted from me, therefore he ignores that I exist.

B. He is schizophrenic. He forgets that I exist because he should be in a mental hospital. He has never been realistic about anything---because he does not live in reality. What recording contract? People don't propose to people they've never met. Girls like RINGS not PHONE CALLS. AND, what 25 year old wants to marry a 67 year old!! Ok, I'm sure there are some, but most of them live in California. REALITY PLEASE.

C. He is a serial killer. He is a womanizing jerk who sweet-talks young innocent women into absolute craziness. . . he has a list of women that he calls, writes, promises recording contracts, and proposes marriage to. When he doesn't get what he wants, he moves onto the next prey. . . Paul has a theory about this. A year ago, one of Norma's sons called and requested that she be removed from the diabetic diet. Paul asked the charge nurse about it, and said that basically a small amount of sugar would kill her. He's trying to off his mother!! Sooooo, maybe he DID know it was me on the phone, but he just didn't say anything because he is going to kill me. If I disappear one day, call my boss. He will know where to investigate first.

In conclusion, I believe that this man is a combination of all three: a psycho ass serial killer.
For the record, we delivered Norma's cupcakes, and a sugar free piece of cake, so she could enjoy her 93rd birthday in her moo moo, watching soap operas, and not being killed by her horrible son. We even sang. I saw a huge bouquet of yellow roses sitting on her table with card in front saying "I love you Mother.--Rich" Yellow roses are signs of peace, you bastard.

My next blog- "My first clinical: Peed on and pissed off." Now, I get 5 cavities filled.


random thoughts said...

too classic. When was I UNDER?....
oy what a gross pervy old man. I am so sorry! here's to hoping there aren't any run-in's!

Toni said...

Lol! I'm excited for your next blog!! :) I'm sorry men are bastards, and I'm sorry I feel a need to apologize for them ...they should apologize to US! Dammit :)

Kelly said...

Heartbreaking. Sorry it had to end. Mind if I give him a shot?

sarahbrowniz said...

He's all yours Kelly:)