I am Bridget Jones.

Over the last week or so, I've had this monster cold-flu like thing. The fevers and the chills, the coughing, the headaches. . . nasty nasty nasty. I'm all better now, but let's talk about the lack of sleep. I still can't sleep and here is why.

I AM THINKING MYSELF TO INSANITY. I dream a lot- about a lot of things. But lately, the theme of my dreams just happens to be every boy I've ever dated before. And remember the dream about Siu and my little girl? Yeah, I've had that one twice since Friday. And Andrew. . . and needless to say Kyle. Ugh, I can't take it anymore! I want to sleep- so badly that I am considering buying a bottle of nyquil for that purpose only.

Of course I prayed about all of this foolishness, and do you know what my answer is? Last night, my hot home teacher came up to me after choir, and he sat next to me on the piano bench, put his arm around me and looked at me. Now, this is a very friendly thing to do, and he's a very friendly guy. I guess I'm just trying to say that he's my friend. But of course he makes my heart go crazy. So he invites me to this 4th of July thing. It's not a date. And he could have any girl he wanted I'm sure. So I am not being silly about this, but realistically, I have a very big problem. He gets so close and so McDreamy like. And he sits there, and looks at me. And HE WON'T STOP!! I have this face that I make when I'm scared. My eyes pop out of my head, and my chin drops lower, and it's like I can't blink. So last night, when he was sitting there and looking at me (no doubt waiting for me to say something) I just sit there and fidget. And then I giggle. And heaven forbid I snort. Anyway, my point is: This is a disaster. I am pretty sure this is the Lord's way of saying, "Here, think about someone new for a bit" And I'm very grateful, but why can't I just act normal? Friday night, I am going with a friend to his little get-together and I need to able to be cute and classy, and to actually speak. And when I am around him, I don't remember how to do that. So for any of you who are reading this, on this 4th of July, when you're all with ones you love watching fireworks and putting your hand over your heart, say a little prayer that Sarah isn't putting her foot in her mouth.

I'm Going to Ireland!!

I don't know when, or with what money. But I'm convinced that I must go so I can get me an Irish man. Preferably one that plays the guitar. Preferably without a shirt. Preferably hot "living guy" in P.S. I Love You. No more chick flicks. I can't handle it.

The pic was found at http://jeffreydeanmorganfans.com/

Peed On and Pissed Off

As promised. Sometimes can't believe what happens. Before I start my story, let's review the rules of a LIBRARY! NO TALKING! When your cell phone rings, DON'T ANSWER. Actually, just have your cell phone on silent. And if your children are being loud, set an example of what an "inside voice" is. Come on people, I am trying to blog.

Ok. So my first clinical was at LNR, or Hell. So my friend Lisa and I got assigned to the same hall. She was assigned to the cool guy who resembled Adam Pascal with a pseudo-mullet. He seemed to be the anxious type who has to stay busy all the time because he has nervous energy--which can be very helpful for learning purposes. And I got assigned the the 17 year old senior in high school with boyfriend problems and a history final the next morning. You can see where this is going. Nice girl, but I did not pay 300 bucks to sit on my butt and watch you text your boyfriend and watch Lisa and "Adam" go answer the call lights that "aren't on our hall so don't worry about it. . . " Boo you whore! Here are the things that I did.

1. Within the first 20 minutes of my shift, we took a very very tall lady to the bathroom. We were going to change her pants, so I squatted down on the floor to untie her shoes. My trainer stood her up off the chair to adjust her I suppose, which is how SHE PEED ON MY SHOULDER. I don't know exactly how that happened, but it did. And it was horrible.

2. I spent the rest of my shift smelling like urine.

3. At dinner time, I fed a lady who used to be a resident at my work. She has alzheimer's and is sometimes catatonic. She was bending backwards out of her chair (For confidentiality's sake, some of you who have worked there know this woman and her daughter who might as well move in and be overly annoying and needy) Couldn't really move her. Didn't know what to do. So my trainer comes over and says, "Oh she does that. Just feed her." she sticks a bite of pureed I-don't-know-what in her mouth and walks away. I notice that "Reba" isn't taking a breath,and she's looking at me with these sad, glassy eyes. Still no breath. So I whop her on the back and she spits every bit of the already swallowed pureed crap all over my face, and in my hair. Ew. You will not die on my clinical clock.

4. (don't worry, this is only like 5 o'clock and I'm on till 10) I get back from my break and my trainer isn't there. So I go with this other girl. She needs help to change this man who is a "bit combative". I'm not going to explain what happened in this room, because it makes me feel dirty. But let's just say it may have been the grossest moment of my life.

5. After washing my face and my arms and almost vomiting, I helped this other girl put another lady to bed. This little lady was curled up in her bed, and she looked so peaceful. The other CNA said "We're gonna put your pajamas on" The lady kinda whined and when we went to roll her on her side, she went all Jackie Chan. She kicked her legs and her arms were flailing-I got smacked about 8 times and kicked in the chest two or three. Seriously? You're like 80 years old. How are you beating me up?

6. The worst part about all of this is I only got to sign off like 8 things. I went home with little accomplished, a scratch on my neck, food in my hair and pee on my shirt.

Last Thursday, I worked a clinical at Sunshine. Much better. Learned a lot. No "incidents". Though I am finding that the whole "male patient" thing bothers me a lot more that I thought it would. But all is well with the world.